


Validity

by Hockeyperu319



Category: Dragon Age
Genre: F/M, Neika Hawke, Validity
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-09-29
Updated: 2011-11-20
Packaged: 2017-10-24 04:02:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/258781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hockeyperu319/pseuds/Hockeyperu319
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Neika, an almost pacifist warrior, tries to cope with everything happening around her. She feels like her existence isn't valid, so she pushes herself to make her life mean something, either to herself or some one, any one around her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

They had run. The blight was all around them and they had run for their lives once they had realized that the battle had been lost. Making their way back toward Lothering to make sure to get mother and Bethany out before the whole town became overwhelmed with darkspawn was no easy feat. It seemed around every turn some new challenge posed itself against Neika and Carver. True, the problems had started before the battle had begun.

They had both agreed to go fight out of mutual respect for each other. She watches out for him, he watches out for her. Things went smoothly this way. Though sometimes he was a prig and seemed to hate everything about Neika, Carver cared. Deep down she knew that he cared. It showed more when every one was under pressure but it was there.

Two nights before the battle, she had been sitting by the fire when another soldier had come to strike up a conversation, so he had stated. Carver was off doing Maker knows what, with Maker knows who. As the night went on this honorable solider had slowly made his way to her. Of course she was nervous, so she tensed. He had noticed this reaction and stood up and walked behind her in an attempt to make her relax. It had the opposite reaction. She began to get up and make excuses about it being late and needing to go get some rest when he made his move. He attacked her, grabbing her wrist and pulling her toward him. She had left her weapons in her tent.

 _Damn it! Why did I have to leave them in the worst place for them to be??_ She thought to herself and she struggled to regain some sort of high ground against this man.

He pulled her close and began to kiss her furiously despite the objections she was screaming and the punches she attempted to throw. As he began to undo the buckles of her armor at her waist, he slumped against her and they fell to the ground. Another hand grabbed at hers urgently and she realized what had happened. Carver had finished his little game and came back. He had bounced the pummel of his sword of the back of the intruder's head in order to save his sister.

She gasped and clung to him like she was drowning and he was the only bit of flotsam in the sea of uncertainty. She began to understand then just how much Carver had cared for her. Pulling her to him and stroking her hair in a way to make her calm down and whispering to her that it would be alright. The tears she didn't know she had been spilling slowed and dried as they sat there for what seemed like forever.

"Sister, are you sure you are alright?" She had never heard Carver sound so concerned before. "He seemed pretty intent on what he wanted to do. Did he hurt you at all?"

"Carver, I-I am fine. He just took me by surprise. Just one more reason not to leave the tent with out a dagger, at the very least. I am not sure exactly what was happening until it was too late. I couldn't get leverage," she noticed she was shaking as she rose to her feet. She tried to hide it. Damn it, she was the older sister. She needed to show him that these things could not effect her so.

He grabbed her elbow and steered her toward the tent. "You don't need to act like a brick wall when ever I, or even Bethany, are concerned. Difficulties arise in life and all we can do is talk to some one who cares about the issues."

 _Maker! When did he get so philosophical?_ She giggled slightly before he gave her a very uncertain look. _And now he must really think you are going mad._

"I appreciate you coming along when you did Carv. I don't even want to think about what he would have done-" Her voice hitched before she could continue. He pulled her into a tight embrace as she continued. "Nothing like that has ever happened. Maker, why?"

" I do not have the answer for that Neika. Just know that I am here for you no matter what happens, and when we head into battle I will make sure to keep my half of the promise and watch out for you. I may be a younger brother but I can put it past me this once," he smiled and patted her shoulder.

"And I will watch out for you. Thank you Carv. Let's head back to the tent. I am exhausted"

The rest of the way across the field was in silence, but there went some unspoken word that had gone between them. There would be no competition in this anymore. They would only make sure the other would survive through the upcoming battle.


	2. Chapter 2

He was gone and there was nothing she could do about it. She couldn't quite figure out what had gone through Carver's mind when he tried to attack the ogre head on. Was this a competition to him, because she thought they had worked that out. Was it just a reflex in order to protect mother? They were both warriors and she was not about to deny that she wanted to step in front of the ogre for Leandra but as it was, he could have grabbed her and run.

Flemeth had given her some time to say good byes to the passing of Carver and Wesley, that Aveline woman’s templar husband, with more than a bit of frustration. She glanced down at his lifeless body and dropped to her knees. She wanted to push Leandra away for saying that she didn't care and that his death was her fault. She hadn't told any one of what had happened before the battle. She felt as if it would show every one that she was weak and unfit to protect her family. She didn't want that, so she kept her mouth closed. When ever one else was mourning their own losses, she gently placed a hand to the side of Carver's face.

"May the Maker take you unto peace, my brother, for you will live ever on in my heart. I am sorry we have not been closer for longer than these past few days," Her voice hitched as she grabbed his sword and placed it over his body and laid his hands over the pommel. She grabbed her dagger from under her breast plate and exchanged it with the dagger that he had under his. "With this exchange, I will make sure to remember you every day and you will have a piece of me to bring with you into the Fade. Until we meet again." She brought herself to her knees and wiped her tears with the heel of her hand. She placed Carver's dagger into the sheath that was used for her own.

"He was your brother! My little boy!" Of course Leandra was still blaming her. There was nothing she could say or do that would change her mother's mind. The most she could do is take the blame now and look for another way to validate what had happened to her younger brother. Her heart lurched again at the thought of all the progress they had made that was now lost in mere seconds.

Shaking her head, she glanced at Leandra. "He died bravely Mother. There was nothing we could do, no matter how much we wish we could." She attempted to place a hand on her shoulder but Leandra shrugged it off and continued to weep and blame Neika. _Yes, keep crying Mother. Keep blaming me and pushing me away. That makes me feel absolutely incredible. Thank you for all the wonderful support. If you only knew._ She thought to herself with cynicism.

The other woman, Aveline, had taken care of her husband Ser Wesley while she was off praying for Carver so all the was left, was to accept this witches help. She had felt uneasy about accepting Flemeth's offer but what else were they to do? Where would they go?

She felt sorry for Aveline. Having a sibling die probably wouldn't compare to losing a husband. She felt a kinship with this other warrior. She doubted she could fill the void that Carver had left but, maybe, that void would be smaller with her there?


	3. Chapter 3

Their arrival into Kirkwall was nothing short of interesting. They weren't letting any refugees into the city. After weeks on a boat, you want to relax and keep the solid ground under your feet. Not sit in the blistering hot sun in hopes that maybe they will let you into the city today. It does not make for a good time for conversation what so ever.

Not that Neika was all that thrilled to talk in the first place. Since Flemeth had left them at the harbor to find a ship here, she hadn't really spoken to anyone. Not for lack of trying though. Bethany and Aveline had both tried to speak to her on numerous occassions but it always came out with the same result. A few words and then silence.

"Neika, are you sure you don't want to talk about it? I miss him too you know," Bethany would start saying in an attempt to make her feel better.

"I know, Beth. I know."

"Then talk about it. You can't hold it inside all the time. You will make yourself sick. All the chantry sisters claimed as much. I believe them."

"They are probably right. Still, I don't feel like talking about it. I have a lot to think about and it isn't just Carver's death. I am also thinking of my short time in the army. I don't want to bore you."

Bethany nodded and walked back to where Leandra had laid down. Neika glanced out over the water towards the setting sun. They had already asked for some one to find Uncle Gamlen so hopefully they would show up soon. She pulled Carver's dagger and gently ran her hands over the blade and then towards the hilt.

"So you are thinking of your time in the army hm?" Neika started at the sound of Aveline's voice. She had also been very quiet for very good reason. There was no need to push a subject both of them were familiar with recently. Aveline had Ser Wesley's shield still strapped to her back. _At least I am not the only one who takes mementos to remember the dead with._ She chided with herself

"I was, among other things." She placed the dagger back into its hiding spot and sighed. "It is going to take some getting used to, not hearing his voice tease me any more. I think I may miss that the most."

"So not just the army but your brother as well. I can understand."

"Do you miss him much? Wesley, not Carver. You only knew Carver for maybe a half hour at best. Not enough time to miss him" She rubbed her neck awkwardly as the fumbled words had spilled from her mouth.

"I do. But I also know that I will see him again I am sure. I may not follow the chantry like he did but it is a nice thought."

Neika nodded. "I agree with you." She left it at that. She also didn't follow the Chantry except for a few customs for the dead and such.

They stood there in silence for hours before they felt as though they were falling asleep where they stood. They walked back to where Bethany and Leandra had laid themselves down. _They must have fallen asleep hours ago. They look like they made themselves quite cozy._ She noticed this because all of their belongings that had been bagged up were now used as soft padding to lay on top of. As she looked at Beth, she noticed a small, wet, puddle forming by the side of her face. She smiled to herself, until she noticed that what sweet little Beth was using as a pillow, was _her_ clothes. She rolled her eyes in amusement and frustration.

She undid her breast plate and laid it on the ground. Since they were laying on everything and they looked too comfortable to be disturbed, she used her own armor as a pillow of sorts. _This is going to be a very long night. I hope they find Uncle Gamlen soon. I would like a bed to sleep in. Floors aren't as comfortable as most would think._ With that she let sleep take her.

Dreams almost overwhelmed her that night. Images of feathers and blue fire filled her vision. Carver was there, repeating the same sentance over and over, "I am here for you. I will keep watch over you." But every time she tried to get to Carver, to hold him in her embrace, he moved further away, sometimes appearing behind her. Just when she thought she had grabbed hold of his shoulder, a blonde man turned around in his place. She woke with a shock at this face she had never before seen in her lifetime. It seemed so familiar but she was certain she had never met anyone like that man. She brushed her strawberry blond hair out of her face only to find she had slept for an hour. She closed her eyes slowly as a burning sensation overtook them and laid her head back down on the armor. _A very long night indeed._


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neika makes the decision of who to work for when they enter Kirkwall.

_Dear Uncle Gamlen, next time we wait for three days just to get accepted into the city, remind me to smack you into hurrying up a bit._ Neika was not amused that her uncle had taken so long. Even less amused with the fact that she was now to become an indentured servant for the next year because of the exhorbitant cost to get in at all.

She sighed as she sat on the staircase leading further into the mage prison where they had landed. _The Gallows. Fitting name,_ she thought to herself. _It makes my skin crawl just thinking of what might be going on in here._ She closed her eyes a moment in deep thought.

 _So, we could either work for the mercenaries, or work for the smugglers. On one hand, mercenaries are warriors in their own right, so I would fit in. But, with the smugglers, I could avoid killing anyone who didn't necessarily need it._

Though she had joined the army with Carver, she never really enjoyed fighting. She knew how to fight well, even meditated over it for long periods of time because when you control your fighting spirit, it works better for you. She just knew there was always a peaceful way to settle things, but usually people did not see it. The darkspawn, they could not be reasoned with. They had to die or everyone else would. So she had joined the ranks.

She began rubbing her fingers over the tattoo that she'd gotten when she'd joined. They had told her it was traditional to get a face tattoo, so she was under the impression that everyone would be getting a tattoo. Apparently she had been wrong. Too late to go back. She was stuck with it.

She weighed her options for about a half an hour before asking Bethany what she thought. The two of them would be in this together now after all.

"I want to know what you want Beth. Who would you feel more comfortable working with?" She caught Beth's eye with a concerned twitch of her lip.

"To be honest, that Meeran guy creeps me out quite a bit. I felt like I was a mouse being watched by a very hungry cat. One that hadn't eaten for days." She meant it as a joke but Neika took it to heart. "Oh come on sister. My opinion shouldn't be the one that matters the most here- you should be happy too."

Neika shook her head as she realized her eyes had widened and she was starting at the statues that lined the walls. "Sorry. I was just thinking. I mean if we are going to spend a year with these people, we need to be comfortable. To be honest, I think Athenril is our best option."

"If it were up to me, I wouldn't want to work for either of them." Aveline crossed her arms sternly as she was a little more concerned about this than anyone else. After all, they were putting money forth for her too, but she would not be helping in the servitude. No one blamed her for being a little uncomfortable.

"Aveline, trust me I do not like the idea of working for them either but there is no other way into the city and if we stay here, who knows what will happen." Neika knew exactly how she felt, but when it came down to it, they weren't really given an option.

Aveline nodded her head. "If it is all the same to you I will find some way to help where I can."

"That works just fine. As long as we all stay together," Neika stated with a smile. "So, it seems that we will be working for Athenril then. Let's go let her know."

She began to walk over to Athenril to confirm their servitude. Her heart sank a little bit knowing that she would be restricted for a year, but it was all for good in the end. Her family would be as safe as they could be in Kirkwall. Well, they would have a roof over their heads. They still needed to watch what they were doing. She let out a sigh as Athenril came into sight. She walked up to her and held out her hand. “You have a deal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for it taking so long to post. School and art and stuff eat my life.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic and I am incredibly nervous about it all. It is based on my first female Hawke from Dragon Age 2, Neika.


End file.
